You are unbelievably gifted at expressing yourself and somehow capturing the exact emotions I am going through to the T! So honestly, thank you. Ending a friendship is so hurtful and difficult. I know my worth. Anyway, thank you for taking the time to write this awesome post and continue with the great work!! Maybe your faulty friendships are coming out of the wrong places. Start considering how you are meeting these friends.
Do you have similar interests? Do you just know the same people? How can you start making friends that are meaningful? Where would you find them? What would you do? Mapping all this info out for yourself could assist the creation of new, meaningful friendships. Hope it helps! This is a major goal to hold myself to writing blog content…and I feel like no one has my back on it. But regardless it sucks. You may not have to cut them out. Just find that support from friends that DO understand… or make some here online! Happy to have you here as part of this community, Sayan.
Keep going toward that goal!
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I know you can do it! Thanks for the feedback. So maybe I am jumping the gun a bit with cutting them out so quickly:. With that being said, I hear you on the need to make friends with people who are aligned with my interests and goals. So I will definitely be working on that and the blog writing! I can totally relate to all of this and I thank the author of the post for describing what has been part of my life:the runaway defense mechanism.
Then after a while I would start having feelings of guilt and regret and wanted to go back to talking to this people because I thought I did wrong on dissapearing from their lives without an explanation. I had an argument with this girl. I totally disappeared from her life. Blocked her on Facebook and MSN. Months passed and everything was going well. Recently I started having this feelings of guilt again.
I logged on Facebook and searched for her name to write her a message. Basically I wrote an apology for leaving like that. I also said I wished, even though I know is unlikely, to keep in touch with her at least on FB. I mean, I miss her. A weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Sorry for the long reply. With your situation, the important things are that you A apologized, and B are now aware of that pattern so you can stop it in the future. The best thing we can do is learn from everything the lesson it has to offer and to never make the same mistake twice.
I enjoy your blog very much and I thank you again for helping others with your good advice. Louis, I think you made the right choice in ending the friendship. I too had a passive-aggressive friend, and her digs kept getting more personal, attacking the things I loved the most, which caused me a lot of hurt and depression. As we had competitive businesses, I think the root of her malice was jealousy. Life is hard enough.
Who needs a frenemy constantly dishing out hurtful criticism? I very much enjoyed your article and all of the comments. But it has become a burden on my mind and I am tired of being dragged down into her negativity. My son who is 7 has even begun to express his dislike of her daughter.
The Story about my Special Friend
She is extremely confrontational and I have seen her be hostile when she feels that she is being wronged. I am at a loss as to how to end things. This is a tricky situation because your son is involved as well. Or you can be straight with her: tell her in the most un-confrontational manner you can muster that her hostility is rubbing you the wrong way. Be careful with hostile people, though. Act from that place of love and kindness, though, and it will be hard for her to find fault in your concerns.
A wonderful article. After the publication of my novel in May, I received no support or feedback from these friends—not even a congratulations. One of them started ignoring me on FB. Another removed me as a friend. Their silence has been more painful than any criticism could be. I woke up this morning, wondering if I should end these friendships and remove these people from my FB page.
It sounds like the pain you have is making your lack of confidence in your own writing that much more prominent. Is there any way you can reach out to an editor, a teacher or professor you trust, or even someone who is simply well-schooled in literature to ask them to give it a quick read? As far as your friends go, have you asked them about the defriending business? Know what I mean? Which isnt even true. And just saying things to effect our relationship.
I lost it and cut her out but she keeps tryin to act all sweet and get back in contact. Im trying to.
But we were close. I dont know what to do. There are so many mutual friends and many who dont understand. But has always been very demanding. I was expected to drop every thing to help. And the favour was never returned. I think she thrives on making people feel awkward and uncomfortable.